we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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