Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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