I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
