Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
wanna go halves on a baby?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
