Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize