We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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