why didn't you poke me back
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She needs sedatives and a leash
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
