Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
They took my balls.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
