i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
