And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
