so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Even my vagina gasped.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
