oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
