He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
