we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
