So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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