Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
