My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
