Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
