i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
