ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
