you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
BRING THE BAGELS
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
