hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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