ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
