I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
