Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
