So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize