Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
