youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Drunk is a universal language darling
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