Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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