im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
