just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
