my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
