I'm passing your future prison.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
