yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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