somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
