Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
