The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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