I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
