just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
