I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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