remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
