I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
