Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
