So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize