WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
