I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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