ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
