A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
