what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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