I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize