Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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