If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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