I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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