Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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