Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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