Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
