You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
