hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
They took my balls.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
do nipples grow back?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
