I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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