that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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