2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize