i just had sex bonerless
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
