I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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