i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Drunk is not a location!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
