I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize