I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Holy sore nipples Batman
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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