I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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