glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize