i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
