Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
