He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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