hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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