i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize