Where did you get a picture of my penis
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
