The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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