I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
