sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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