it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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