I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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