Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize