i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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