we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
